I am over being hormonal...

I usually could care less what people around me say or do. I really only look for approval from my family (that is my husband and kids and little sis). I try and do right by them because people move, grow apart and life goes on but these are the people who have been there and will be there forever. I love my husband and the fact that I have known him almost half my life. I love that my sister and I only got closer when I moved 2000 miles away and now we have a wonderful relationship. And my kiddoes drive me crazy some days but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way.
Right now I keep finding myself getting effected by what other people say and it bothers me because I am not that kind of person. Honestly I didn't want a shower I told my friend who is throwing me one that I felt weird about having a shower for a forth baby especially when I still have a baby in the house. There isn't anything I really need per say, I have all my cloth diapers still I was getting ready to sell them right before I got that positive. And I was still slowly getting rid of my infant seat and so on but just hadn't yet. I also just don't enjoy being the center of attention, I guess being towards the end of such a big family I have gotten used to not being that. I have always shared my bday party with my brother who's bday is 12 days after mine and he is 11 years older. Not that it was much of a party it was usually a watermelon cut in half with candles in it. We couldn't afford a store bought cake and it was too hot to turn on the oven. I got a gift from my parents on my 12 and 16 bday and my 16 bday I was 8 months preggo and gift was a bday party that was just for me. I like parties and going to them but I dunno I just don't like being the guest of honor.
So when my friend called me and said that the idea was thrown out to have the shower for three ladies I was like fine. At the time I was in L&D and waiting for test results to come back and not really in a decision making position. I didn't really think about it. As time went on I started to get upset that it was done and said without anyone else contacting me. The other 2 ladies who the shower is for never called or even emailed (I kinda expected a thanx or thats cool we will have a joint shower, especially since the person who was orginally throwing it was doing it for me more as a thanx for all the help I have given her and her last hoorah before moving) and the orginal people who threw out the idea never asked me what I really thought it was kinda decided without me. I just felt bad for Supermom since she doesn't know the other 2 ladies and I don't want her to feel weird about coming and not bringing gifts. I also feel weird about bringing gifts to my own shower, if that makes sense. But then I looked at the evite and one of the other ladies friends said I would love to come and celebrate her baby like the other 2 babies don't matter. I know this lady doesn't know me and I don't even know why the comment bothered me but it just made me think about how the whole party thing was started and that bothered me. I know it is 95% hormones and the rest is just the other stress I have going on but I am just feeling done and like I would rather go back to not having a shower at all.
I am just done with it and right now I know I need to be focusing on my sister and her wedding. I have a long drive ahead of me and I need to destress since I cannot afford to get sick. Right now I just feel done, done with everything.