Dreams

So I had a normal night fell asleep early got up around 1am to pee and couldn't get back to sleep. I had a long day yesterday Flyboy had 2 days in a row (Friday and surprise Saturday) where he had 8 hour flights which means he goes to work at 3:30am and if they land on time he will be home around 5pm. So he is a bear when he gets home and I was dreading his return yesterday! The girls were also being sisters about 80% of the time my girls are good and will either play together or separately and be okay, but not yesterday no it was a I am going to make the other one scream ANY WAY I can. Oh I wanted to kill 'em. Fortunately they behaved at the birthday party and we had stopped at the ocean and I let them get there feet wet (Chubs loved the sea foam, but wasn't a big fan of the water!) so I had this false sense that I could run into AC Moore and they would be okay (I wasn't even looking for good!). So I go in and they are begging candy off the candy lady (who was giving away samples) well I let them have some figuring they will be good now I gave 'em treats. No it just got worse, finally I almost lost it so I just grabbed them got out of the store. I had to stop myself from crying I felt like a horrible mom. I didn't hit or scream as much as I wanted to but it just drives me nuts when they do this I just get to scared about Flyboys deployment I am going to have to go to the commissary and stuff and I just cannot handle when they behave like that. Fortunately it is not every time and they are usually good as far as kids go!
So we finally get home and I am emotionally drained and Flyboy is physically drained but the kids did great and got ready for bed. Flyboy with Chubs help read the horse and his boy and then everyone was off to be by 8 on a Saturday night!! Flyboy and I stayed up and watched CSI then were in bed ourselves at 9:30! So getting up at 1 I was just going over the day in my head and it took over an hour to get back to sleep. Finally when I did I had a dream about my ultrasound and they told me the baby is a girl. Now I have had many dreams that the baby is a girl, but this time I actually felt disappointed. That was the first time that had happened. Honestly I am more scared about something being wrong with the baby then it being another girl. I have all the clothes and I have had 3 girls so I feel more prepared for the baby to be a girl but I guess somewhere deep down I would be a little sad if the baby is a girl. I am definitely done I was done after Chubs, I was surprised she was a girl I had a strong feeling she was a girl, but something in me thought she may be a boy. I know Flyboy was a little bummed she is a girl. I guess I just don't understand why it would matter anyway. I am over pink/purple and sparkly everything but one boy in a house of women is not going to change that. I guess after Wednesday I will be able to wrap my head around what i need to get ready for. Honestly Flyboy not being here for the birth is more disappointing than anything they could tell me!